Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
