He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
