I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
