I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize