yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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