Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
