Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
