You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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