mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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