Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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