if you like me you must not know who I am
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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