Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize