I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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