i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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