I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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