and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
