he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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