I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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