I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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