are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
the day after is always just damage control
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
