sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
