no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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