I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
