I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
