She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
