The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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