I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just got carded by a ten year old.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
