covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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