my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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