Small penises have feelings too.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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