You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Its about making memories worth repressing
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
