I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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