Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
