How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
