just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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