woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You're like the curious george of whores
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
