this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
