Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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