So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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