I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
