i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
