Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
