Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
