from now on my penis is your penis
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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