dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
