we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
