My nipple is on Facebook.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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