trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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