drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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