i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
