Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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