Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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