Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
