I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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