Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
