Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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