We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
