I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
