I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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