I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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