Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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