What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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