She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
