I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
