Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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