Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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