i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
