Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
