oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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