he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She needs sedatives and a leash
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
