A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
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