Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize