I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize