walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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