My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
