alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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