I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
