He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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