im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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