Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
