It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize