what if every blade of grass was a penis?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
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