1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
