3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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