who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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