Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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