Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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