Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
