The maid of honor just puked.
she was so not down for the gang bang
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
