He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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