I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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