it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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