I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
