So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
