look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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