apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Pooping to opera.
Randomize