Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
