using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
