these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
