I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
