i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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