I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
