It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Randomize
