He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
