dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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