just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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