So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
