we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
