The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
