You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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