Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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