woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
