I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
