Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
