Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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