please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize