No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
