SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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