she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
