Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
