Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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